putting the j in jjosh

Wow, I forgot how fantastic this video suits the Four Tet track…Four Tet is playing NYC in Feb and I am stoked…

Judy brought David’s ashes home in a ceramic urn and put them on the mantle. After a year she figured it was time to rejoin society, so she went ahead and planned her Christmas party like everything was normal. When Albert spilled eggnog on the urn – bound to happen – it was grimly funny, like when someone on crutches falls on their face. It was wiped up, no big deal, but the party kind of deflated after it happened.

The following afternoon Judy noticed that the eggnog hadn’t been fully cleared up and had dried into a kind of crème crust on the base of the urn. She took it out onto the balcony to give it a scrub with a wet wipe and before she knew what had happened, the urn had tipped over and sent the ashes spilling over the edge. Judy leaned over the railing and watched the grey snowflakes tumble slowly down the four stories towards the earth. Most dispersed themselves around the sidewalk below, but a big clump made it no further than the flower box on the balcony below Judy’s. They settled in among the wire frames where tomatoes would grow in the Spring. There was something funny about it, but Judy didn’t laugh.

Judy kept her eye on the plants, and in Spring when the tomatoes came up red and ripe and full, she ventured downstairs. When she explained what had happened to Mrs. Gillmary, she was invited inside, made to sit down in the kitchen and have a glass of water. Without any discussion, Mrs. Gillmary took her shears and cut a few of the tomatoes off the vine. She sliced them and put them on a plate. Judy felt sure that when she ate them, something profound would happen. But it didn’t really. And maybe that was better.

Who knew that tape measure skills was something people did? I love how stoked these guys are at the awesomeness of it all…

When I was 13 the pinncle of my life so far was walking downtown with Amber Stein on Wednesdays after school. She was blonde, pretty and in with the popular kids. We were only pals because I sat next to her in biology and I could make her laugh by cracking jokes about Mr. Loy’s armpit stains. 

I had a huge crush on Amber and it was exciting to spend that half hour with her every week. I was heading downtown anyway because Wednesday was when the new comics came out at the Twilite Zone. After seeing Amber to her door, I would go get that week’s comics and then head over to the Market House where you could get a paper bowl full of thick-cut potato fries for a couple of bucks. The Market House didn’t have seats, but you could stand by one of the big windows overlooking Main Street, and that’s what I’d do, standing there eating potatoes and reading comics and basking in the afterglow of Amber Stein’s presence.

One walk home in particular I remember because she had really bad menstrual cramps and she told me about them. This was weirdly thrilling to the 13 year old me. She asked if I wanted to know what they felt like and I said yes. She took her fist and slowly pushed it into my stomach. It kind of hurt, but I couldn’t believe it! Touching!

Nothing ever came of the crush. I was too nervous, and 13, and really actually more into the comics and the potatoes, both of which seemed a lot safer and less nerve-wracking than Amber Stein.

Later, at our 15 year High School reunion I felt the need to go all sitcom cliché and tell her that I had had a huge crush on her. I told my friend Dave M that this is what I was going to do and he said it was a bad idea. I went over to her. I was wearing a sandy brown turtleneck sweater.

“Hey Amber.”

“Oh, hey Josh.”

“Hey Amber, you know, I just wanted to let you know, I mean, back in junior high when we used to hang out, I had the biggest crush on you.”

“Wow, what do you do now, you look dressed like you’re a writer. You wanna know what I do? I’m a personal care assistant. I go to old people’s homes and wipe their asses basically. It fucking sucks. I get paid to clean up old people’s shit. Can you believe it?”

I got out of there.

When I told Dave M how it all went down he burst out laughing. Thinking about it now it seems weird to me that these two heavily weighted memories of Amber Stein both have to do with bodily functions. Something primal there, fluids and all that.

Best not to think about it too much probably.

The photo is Banksy, the blog I got it from is here, it was a tip from AK and a good one. When we were in Hawaii toward the end of trip we hit kind of a sour note as we got into a big debate with the people we were staying with over global warming. It was raucous, voices were raised. And basically it always seems to come down to what you want to believe: either that authority is telling the truth and trying to get the world to change, or that authority is trying to manipulate you for some other, nefarious reason. Reading through the comments on the blog where this pic was posted, I came across this gem of a response, which is how I have always felt about it:

"I have yet to see a model that explains the current warming that leaves out effects caused by humans. Apart from that, I don’t really care who caused the problem or if the problem is a hoax in the first place. It’s a good time anyway to step away from the old kinds of energy and start transforming into a sustainable world."

Exactly.

Shazam! A few minutes into 2010 and I’ve got my pizza of the year out
of the way quicker than ever before. Also I made it myself at Adam and
Lisa’s make yer own pizza new years extravaganza. also I was stoned. I
realized it has been over 9 years since I have eaten a pizza stoned.

it was amazing.