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‘Our Fictional Upstairs Neighbors’ Category

  1. accidental organic

    January 15, 2010 by jjosh

    ARON:
    What the hell is up with all the birds in the neighborhood?! It’s freezing out and I put that bread down like a week ago!
     
    LARISSA:
    Maybe they’re drunk?
     
    ARON:
    What the hell is that supposed to mean?
     
    LARISSA:
    Sorry I meant crunk.
     
    ARON:
    Crunk?
     
    LARISSA:
    Wait, wasn’t that bread moldy?
     
    ARON:
    A little.
     
    LARISSA:
    Well that’s probably it, you know. Moldy bread makes you trip out.
     
    ARON:
    You know this from experience?
     
    LARISSA:
    No, everyone knows this. It’s called ergot. There’s that whole theory about the bible that Jesus’s miracles are really the result of everyone tripping out.
     
    ARON:
    Whaaaaat?
     
    LARISSA:
    Yeah, that there had been this big drought for two years and the crops hadn’t come up so the whole region had to make bread from grain that they had been storing for two years. But they didn’t have any way of keeping the grain from going moldy, so it developed this ergot and then all the bread that they made would make people trip out. So when Jesus was walking on the water and turning water into wine and all that, it was really just ‘cuz people were tripping.
     
    ARON:
    What about when he rose from the dead?
     
    LARISSA:
    Just people tripping.
     
    ARON:
    Crucifixion? Even if they were tripping, crucifixion pretty much kills you. Even if they were tripping, there’s no way to move that giant stone.
     
    LARISSA:
    No you’re right. For that they would have to be on PCP. I wonder if there was some way to make PCP accidentally out of organic materials available two thousand years ago…
     
    ARON:
    I smell a doctoral thesis coming on.